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At the heart of reducing violence in society is eliminating violence at home. Children are imitators. When they see a parent or guardian being yelled at, pushed or hit by someone they love, they learn that violence is an acceptable form of behavior. Often kids feel scared and ashamed or think they are the cause of the problems at home. All too often, they grow up believing it is okay to hurt other people or to let other people hurt them. More than half of the men who batter women also abuse their children. Children who witness or experience violence in the home are far more prone to emotional problems---and ten times more likely to be abusive in their intimate adult relationships.
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89 percent of children in this country witness abuse at home. 79 percent of those
children turn to violent behavior
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Do You Worry That You May Be a Victim?
The pattern of violence and control often escalates steadily over time. Watch for these warming signs and remember, that the abusive person is responsible for these behaviors and only he or she can change them.
Domestic Violence is the number one cause of emergency room visits by women
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Every 12 seconds a woman is beaten in this country.
A woman is killed every 8 hours.
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Does your partner:
Insult you in public or private?
Check up on where you've been and who you talked to?
Put down your friends and family?
Tell you jealousy is a sign of love?
Blame you for pushing him or her to abuse you?
Limit where you can go and what you can do?
Try to control your money?
Destroy your belongings?
Threaten to hurt you, your family members or pets?
Make you have sex in ways or at times that are
uncomfortable for you?
Touch you in ways that hurt or frighten you?
Tell you your fears are unimportant?
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If you experience or use any of this behavior, you could be in danger or getting hurt or hurting the people you love. Talk to a friend. Get help.
If You Suspect Abuse
If you suspect a friend, family member, or co-worker is being abused, be alert for
warning signs:
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Does she have frequent bruises or injuries?
Has she become unusually quiet and withdrawn?
Is she often absent from work, or has quit her job?
Does her partner criticize her, tell her what to do or
make her account for her time?
Do you rarely see her alone because her partner is
"attentive" or demanding?
Do the children seem timid in his presence?
Does she wear unusually heavy makeup or concealing clothes,
hats, scarves, or sunglasses?
Has she stopped talking about her partner?
Has she started making changes in her appearance or behavior
to please her partner?
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Much of the material in this section is based on information provided by the "Love
Shouldn't Hurt" campaign.
How to Help a Friend ...
If you have a friend who is a domestive violence victim, here are some ways you can help:
Bring up the subject. Don't be afraid to let her know your concerns. Say that you see what's happening and that you want to help. Let her know that she is not alone.
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Acknowledge that she is a in a very difficult, scary situation. Let her know that it's not her fault that she's being battered. Encourage her to express her feelings of hurt, anger, or humiliation. Remind her that it may be difficult for her to talk about it with you.
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Don't buy into her denial. If she refuses to acknowledge that she's in a dangerous situation, let her know that you believe she is, and that you are concerned for her safety.
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Respect her right to make her own decision. Let her find her own way to her decisions. Don't start with what you think she should do or insist that she follow your plan.
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Discuss the Domestic Violence Victim's Handbook with her. Help her identify the abusive behavior she is suffering. Talk about shelters and hotlines.
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Go with her. If she needs medical care, go with her. If she is going to the police, to court, or to see a lawyer, offer to go along. But let her do the talking.
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Plan safe strategies with her. If she is contemplating leaving an abusive relationship, help her to develop her "safety plan." Make sure she is comfortable with the plan. Never encourage her to follow a plan that she doesn't consider "safe."
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For a copy of the Domestic Violence Victim's Handbook contact Tucson/Pima County Domestic Violence Commission at (520) 791-3244.
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Tucson/Pima County Domestic Violence Commission
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